BetrayalMudpies were the last thing I saw before he left me, and they were beautiful, peaceful and heartbreaking. Daniel died as if he felt so much love for the sky. He died looking at me, his eyes showing more love than I can ever convey.
By Malyza C.
By Malyza C.
I wish I could have been selfish, and kept him for a while; but I loved him too much to do that. Daniel and I were cataclysmic lovers, and we always have been, ever since he was that little boy who asked me to kiss him, while I was that little girl in love with her brother’s best friend.
Are my thoughts wrong and sinful this whole time? Do I resent killing Daniel for my own selfish reasons? Daniel selflessly died for our love; therefore I should hold on to the strings of life with as much courage as I can muster.
But I am hypocritical, cowardly, and I don’t understand. Our love is tragic, and if one dies, the other should follow suit. But is the tragedy of our love being left alone, or the broken bridge of never finding each other? I wander in life, wondering where my faith has gone, but my faith died with Daniel. Everything died with Daniel.
Daniel always made sure to come back for me, and this time, I’ll come back for him; and we’ll be together. I at least owe him that. But if I let go, I will be betraying my God. If I don’t let go, I will be betraying my true love. So which betrayal shall I choose?
I was angry for many days, and my father said it was normal. Nothing was normal, because Daniel died because of me. He died at my hand. I could not understand why God, one whom I have been so faithful to, could never give us a chance.
I smoothed the sides of my bed spread as I stared at the white blank walls. Everything is white, a form of confinement. They thought they could confine me, but this confinement made me feel as alive as ever. My mind had time to think, and had time to fight through its inner conflict. The conflict is everywhere, all throughout my body, a fight I’ll lose either way. Shall I die for God, or shall I die for Daniel?
I am so lost and the medication they give doesn’t help. I asked Dr. Schields at times what has been buzzing in my brain. I told him it would kill me, and it comes at night to haunt me. All he did was up my dosage.
I’ve been left alone to die. My parents chose Jude over me, and they cared for him, sending me here to wither away with my mind. They said I was too broken and delirious after Daniel’s death. I called them on their lies, claiming that I’ve always been broken.
Everything I did and everything I will do is for Daniel. And everything that happens along that is an obstacle of our broken love. But see, love itself has always been broken, and it masks itself into the element of happiness. Love is a pathological liar, that’s why we believe in it, because we find so much confidence within in it.
But to choose love over God is pathetic and easy. The route with God seems so much harder. But there was so much I couldn’t understand. My life is pathetic; I am pathetic so I should choose love. But my fear of betraying God overrides everything. But my love for Daniel also surpasses everything else.
I’ve hidden the dagger for months now. It’s still with me after all this time, stained with his blood. I eyed it thoroughly, trying to imagine the pain, but I can’t.
I will always choose Daniel. Always.
I plunged the dagger into my heart, with the pain so unbearable, but the last thing I saw are his eyes, those mudpies. And that’s when I finally figure that it’s worth it, because I, Grace Divine, will be with Daniel.
Nurse Amelia mopped up all the blood. She took the bloodstained sheets and pillows. Clicking her tongue, she turned to Dr. Schields.
“Do you think she’s at peace now?” Dr. Schields shook his head, bowing it.
“I think she was more at peace with deliria than she will ever be.”
“Do you think she’s with him? Daniel?” Amelia pried, eyeing the Doctor curiously.
“All we can do is hope.”