The night is bitter, and the moon shines upon me like the devil’s spotlight.
I didn’t mean to bite him. I never meant for it. One moment we were talking, the next we were arguing, and now all I see is his bloody body lying in a twisted heap at my feet.
I wrap my arms around my naked body, hoping that by doing this I’ll conserve some body heat.
I thought by bringing his body back would help me feel better, but it hasn’t. I still feel exposed. I still feel evil. I still feel lost.
They won’t want me when they figure out what I’ve done. They will hate me. They’ll want me dead. I can’t go back to them. I can’t face them. I can’t torture them with my presence.
They are sleeping calmly in their house just feet away. All I have to do is ask them for their forgiveness. A small part of me knows they will be forgiving, but I’m so scared, so confused.
They will never forgive you, the wolf snarls in my head. You are evil for doing what you have done tonight. You have cursed this boy, almost killed him. You think they will forgive you? I can hear the wolf’s receding laugh echoing in every corner of my mind. Eventually it fades away completely, and I’m left with only myself.
I have no family. I have no friends. I have nowhere to go to hide from the moon, from myself. Where will I go?
I’ll just go.
The option is too easy. I’ve done something so terrible, and God is giving me a free way out. I should not be allowed to run like this, to get away from the punishment that will one day catch up to me.
I should not run like I am about to.
But I run anyway, the wolf inside me pushing me on. The moon chases me like a shadow and I embrace it, energy flooding my body.
As I get farther and farther away the guilt continues to build. I eventually have to stop because I feel so guilty.
“I am a coward,” I say aloud to myself, to the wolf inside of me.
It’s the truest thing I’ve ever said.
Eventually I get up and begin running again. Maybe if I can get far enough away I’ll be able to forget about all of it. Forget about the family that was so good to me, the family I betrayed in the end.
Maybe I can forget about the body I’m running from.
Maybe I can forget Jude Divine.