Thursday, April 16, 2009

Dairy Hates Me

Yes, it's true. The Dairy Fairy has spoken and he says, "I hate your guts"--literally.

The Great Cheese Experiment of 2009 as failed miserably. In fact, I'm thinking of making my next novel a sci-fi thriller because I now know what it feels like to have some sort of alien parasite living under my skin, and crawling around in my stomach . . .Okay, okay, I'll stop. I don't want to gross anyone out (too much, anyway). Plus, I gotta save it for that book :)

The other thing I learned with this little experiment: I have no self control.

I started out all fine and dandy. Just a half cup of milk in my organic gluten-free brown rice crispies cereal. Yum! (And I mean that in the most sarcastic of ways possible. . .about the brown rice crispies, not the milk.) Then I had a sprinkle of cheese on my plain beef tacos on corn tortillas. But then, by the evening, I'd lost all willpower for moderation and started stuffing my face with Caribbean Chicken with Jamaican Jerk Cream Sauce, and chunks Gruyere with gobs of honey. It was bliss. Until about 35 minutes later . . .followed by 48 hours of agony. I know I probably did it to myself with my sheer lack of self control. But still, all I have to say is: "Curse you, Dairy Fairy! Curse you and your wily cheese ways, and wonderful delectable cream sauces, and the miracle of life that is ice-cream. &%$# you!"

Anyway, I'm thinking of trying again in a few weeks. And this time I'll actually take it slow . . . maybe.

Man, it's a good thing I NEVER drink, or I'd be a raging alcoholic.

So what food can you not live without?

9 comments:

Matt said...

Oh, Bree. I am so, so sorry. Life without cheese? Unimaginable! I hope the "slow" approach gives you better results.

Nicole said...

I'm so sorry, if it makes you feel any better I really miss real pasta...oh wait so do you, well there's always cauliflower.

D said...

Ouch! I think I could not live without cheese and a smidge of chocolate (not together). I am also addicted to A&W root beer even though it has no caffeine.

So if it is a lactose intolerance- rumor has it that orange cheeses are low in Lactose. I think Yogurt might be too... So maybe next time you can segregate things and see which milk products bother you the most. Then maybe you can get a nice sharp cheddar fix at least...

Mrs. Organic said...

Chocolate for me - can't even have it in the house. If you want to try some, I'll get you some home-made yogurt (maybe it would be easier on you). I love putting my granola in it, it makes an okay milk substitute.

Bree Biesinger Despain said...

Unfortunately it's not a lactose problem. I'm intolerant to the protein in dairy. Also the protein in eggs and wheat. Although, pretty soon I'll be hosting the Great Wheat Experiment of 2009. Though all I'm allowed to eat with that one is Cream of Wheat, so I don't see myself going all hog wild with that one.

Alisha said...

apparently it's chocolate. even when i don't want it (yes, that happens more often than not) my brain still tells my stomach that it NEEDS CHOCOLATE. then i give in, eat the %#$& stuff and feel awful afterward. then i go to bed, wake up, and do it all over again. sicko, really.

Kim Reid said...

I can't live without food that is convenient. Apparently I hate to cook. So while I'm not addicted to anything (besides sugar in general, probably), I can't seem to make myself eat healthy prepared foods when I can just open a box of graham crackers and have that for lunch instead. Or a string cheese and crackers. Seriously, laziness is my illness. (Sorry I can eat string cheese, Bree! I hope you can too next time you try.)

Rachie said...

I can't live without anything except vegetables and organ meats. And judging by the way I've been gorging on Easter candy, I can't live without that either. ;) Sorry the cheese turned out to be a jerk. I'm impressed that you've been able to do the no gluten thing for so long!

lunalovegoddess said...

As the dairy-intolerant mother of a dairy-allergic daughter (named Bree), dairy hates our guts, as well. When Bree was younger, I'd kept to a dairy-free diet as much as possible. Lately, though, I have very little self-control when it comes to chocolate and cheese. Soy cheeses are hit or miss, aside from Tofutti products, and finding dairy-free chocolate can be quite a chore. It doesn't help that my son and husband have no difficulties digesting dairy, so there is always that temptation to overindulge in foods that are readily available.

Anyway, I'd like to add you to my friends list on Twitter. You can also find me on Livejournal and Myspace, as "lunalovegoddess". I'm a struggling writer (does it ever feel like there is any other kind? LOL) and thought your book sounded pretty cool.

~peace, love, and pixie dust~
BrendaLee